Our trials have been many but Our blessings have been GREAT!

This is a poem that many heart moms and dads receive while sitting in the hospital awaiting the future of their little ones battling with a heart defect. Samantha's heart condition is major but when compared to other little angels her fight has been secure and filled with many blessings. I found this on a blog from a heart mom that we shared time with during Samantha's last surgery almost two years ago in April of 2008.

It's a beautiful day up in heaven. Jesus is rounding up his tiniest angels, to go live on earth, and be born. One of the sweetest angels says to Jesus "I don't want to leave, I like it here, and I will miss you". He reassures the scared little angel that everything will be okay, and that she is just going for a visit. She is still not swayed on this idea. So Jesus kneels down, and says, "How about if you leave half of your heart here with me and take the other half with you, will that be okay?" The angel smiles and says, "I guess that will work". But the little angel is still a little scared. She asks,"Will I be okay with only half of my heart?" Jesus replies,"Of course you will, I have other angels there that will help out, and you will be fine." Then Jesus gives the angel more details about his plan. He says "When you are born, your mommy will be scared, so you have to be strong, and when you feel weak just remember that I have the other half of your heart". "Enjoy your time with your family, play and laugh everyday." "And when its time to come back to heaven, I will make your heart whole again. Always remember that you are not broken, just torn between two loves."

I have never had the courage to follow Gracie's blog...I left the hospital with a prayer in my heart for this baby girl and told myself she would be ok- she just had to be. I have just found out that Gracie died last year in March 2009...right before her first birthday following a heart transplant. I only knew of this family for three days while Samantha was in the PICU but I had wonderful conversations and shared my experiences with them...hoping to give them hope too. I overheard and witnessed blessings, faith and love that were indescribable and I often have thought about this family and their little Gracie. Samantha's procedures have always went picture perfect with tiny little bumps but nothing like what this family has endured. Ryan and I learned very quickly that when you want to feel great about your crappy situation go sit in the PICU and start talking to those people there. I always find myself grateful for my situation and praying for those that are currently learning a different lesson and following a different path that their Heavenly Father has made for them.

I have been reading her blog and have been crying almost nonstop for hours now. Looking at their pictures and words I have many memories flooding over me with Sam and the heartache we went through with her and the scary times that I know we will still have to face. When I learned of her condition minutes after her birth, I turned right to my Heavenly Father...even though I had probably not said a prayer since I was a young girl. It is amazing the lessons you learn during your trials. I pray that now that I am a mother of three beautiful girls...the lessons I have learned and the gospel that has found me once again (from childhood roots and a wonderful friend, my Missionary, Simon) will remain strong in my heart, mind and actions.

I read this on another blog and it rang true for me..."Sometimes I feel like I loose faith...not in our Heavenly Father but in myself" to be able to endure to the end and participate in his plan for my family and my most precious girls.

Reverse Psychology

I wish reverse psychology would work on my girls to keep them little. I am realizing how fast they are growing up and quickly changing. I have a feeling it is not going to work though. "Don't you stay cute and little forever...don't you do it".

Reverse psychology works wonders with my girls...at least Samantha and Layla. If I want my girls to do something, for example eat their food or clean up their rooms. I just smile a big grin and say, "Don't you eat that." or " I better not come back in here and see you cleaning up your toys because I want to throw them away" or "take that yummy food out of your mouth right this instant". It works like a charm. They think it is hilarious and we accomplish the intended goal with smiles and laughter. Don't get me wrong there are still plenty of times that I have to be the heavy and get mad about things too, but that is part of being a mom. This reverse psychology trick works so well my parents and sister use it with them all the time too. It is really funny to see adults do this and have a two year old and five year old be excited to "break the rules".

Just a few months ago Layla was just starting to talk well, so that you could understand some of what she was saying. She had cute words like fluffy and potty and mama. Now she actually talks all day long. She is speaking in sentences, uses people's real names and describes things she wants. It is amazing that in less than three months she has made this type of transformation with language.

She turned two on September 12 and we had a fun party for her with a big blow up bounce house and all her cousins and friends from nursery. She loved having everyone sing her happy birthday and she was sure to put her fingers in the icing of her cake as soon as she got close to it. She loves ducks and calls them quack, quacks (but it is her actually sounding like a duck...not saying quack). He had a bakery airbrush a water scene onto a cake and then we used some little ducks we had for her cake...she adored it.

She is loving to choose her clothes and find things that match. This morning she found some purple socks and asked me what color they were. I told her they were purple. She then repeated it and started looking through her wardrobe for other purple items that would match her socks. Sometimes I find myself just sitting back in amazement of how much she is doing and changing daily!!

At any given time of the day Layla can be found doing one of the following: asking to be read to or "reading" a book by herself, playing with her sisters or dancing and singing whether there is music on or not. If there is music on...watch out she loves to rock out and be crazy. I just adore this age. I wish I could freeze time with her for awhile.

As our family grows...

I have been facebooking and keep forgetting to come in here and update for my blogging friends. All of you know that I had Madilyn Lorretta on August 1, 2009 at 4:55 A.M. She was 21 inches and 7lbs 11oz. She was delivered via C section which I fought against tooth and nail. After 12+ hours of being at a 3 with no change we decided to "get in there" and see what was going on. Mady had been transverse (sideways) and was flipped three times into position and my doctor decided to break my water to keep her in place (this same thing happened during Layla's delivery). During the C section it was discovered that Mady's umbilical cord was wrapped twice around her neck, preventing her from coming down further.

It has been a month since Mady joined our family and she is doing well and has slept through the night a few times already. Samantha and Layla adore and love on her constantly. I was afraid Layla might be jealous but so far she has been adjusting wonderfully to being a big sister. My recovery is going well...not 100% yet but every day/week has significant improvemment. I am still not "allowed" to lift much or vaccum/mop but I have found ways to get things accomplished by myself and Ryan fills in when he is home. I can't wait until I can vaccum though...I am kind of a vaccum freak...with three dogs and three kids...crumbs and dirt happen pretty quickly and need to be "kept in check".

Samantha started kindergarten this week and is loving it. When Samantha was born I quickly realized that she may never live long enough to do alot of things, given her heart complications. Going to school is one of those things that popped into my head, and I prayed that we may have the chance to have her here with us and be a family. Five years later, here we are and she is strong and beautiful and she lives life to the fullest every day. I don't know if Samantha will ever understand how she has blessed our family but I hope she knows how much we love her and how proud of her we are.

Speaking of living life to the fullest, Samantha just earned her first set of stitches. She cut her leg on her friends trailor while playing and had to have four stitches. When I went to pick her up to take her to Insta Care, she was begging me to stay and play longer...funny girl. Let me just prelude with Samantha hates shots, due to years of "IV torture". When we took her to Insta Care they cleaned her up and applied the numbing cream so they could give her the numbing shot. When they came in with the needle...she freaked and opted to have the stitches with just the local cream. She is tougher than she looks! She thinks her stitches are pretty cool but she can't get them wet for ten days- until they come out...so no more water activities for a little while. She is a little bummed about that.

Layla will be two on September 12 and I need to start planning a birthday party. She loves the bounce houses and bubbles so I am going to try to incorporate both...we will see what happens. Since Layla's eardrum burst a few months back her speaking and vocabulary has really taken off. She talks all day long and can actually communicate and be understood now. She shouts to the dogs to be quiet and says their names to call them over to her or tattle on them.

I love this age when babies turn into little people and develop and share their unique little personalities with their world. She follows Sam around all day wanting to do what ever she is doing. She decided right before Mady was born that she would like to start potty training...not the best time but we had the potty and pull ups so we have been trying to do that with her (hit and miss on our parts) but she loves her potty. Some of the phrases and words she says are so cute with her adorable voice and personality. I love the way she says "Mady" right now.

Well I could go on and on about my beautiful girls and how each on is such a blessing but I will end now and try to keep up better so each entry does not take an hour to read.